There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
