Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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