All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
