It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
