i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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