O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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