What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
