He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
