he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
