I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
