i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
