She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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