I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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