god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
