You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
