based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize