We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Randomize
