She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
im on a boat
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