Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
