He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
