I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
