If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
