it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
