you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
