I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
