he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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