we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
