I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
