It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize