You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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