I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
