This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
