You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
