the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
