I think my fart just growled at me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
