I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize