Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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