seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
