But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
