Porn is love you can see.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Randomize
