The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
