Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize