I have demons in me.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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