i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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