The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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