i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I lost the right to judge tonight
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
