I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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