get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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