i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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