Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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