IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
