I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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