I love black thongs
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
