My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
