can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
