I wish I only lived at night.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
