I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
