fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
false alarm. still invincible.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
