Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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