Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
