Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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