i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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