There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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