I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
