I wish I only lived at night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
