We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
