Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
