I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
