They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
