While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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