saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize