His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
