Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
