It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
