I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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