the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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