Will you blow on my dice?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
