I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
