I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize