So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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