We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
