PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
