I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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