i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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