i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im holly from the hills drunk
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
