theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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