On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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