Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
