Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
